My Own Personal Warhammer

I am not a gamer - in fact, those of you who know me and my situations, know that the online game "Warhammer" was a major source of stress and problems in my relationship...so to clarify this has nothing to do with the addiction/game but its my own personal warfare of a more spiritual nature.

I got led today to a Joyce Myers book called "Battlefield of the Mind" praying that it will help me tame the thoughts of self-worthlessness (if that is a word) that have been plaguing me and waking me up in the middle of the night. I read the first chapter in the car this afternoon and I want to use this space - as public as it may be - to help me chronicle this journey to spiritual health and track my own progress.

So today I'm starting my own Warhammer of the mind. Putting on the armor of faith and waging war against the keeps that have been set up in my mind that harbor my self doubt, my fears, my past disappointments, my insecurities - basically all of the things that I used to unconsciously drive Chad away and are keeping me veiled in this depression. Instead of fighting spider monsters or seven legged creatures in a virtual realm...I have to fight against the demons in my spiritual life.

Ephesians 6:12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.

Tricky business indeed but I have faith. I have a rare weapon on my side.

2 Corinthians 3-5 For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient.

I never thought I'd be one for battle, but this is one I must win to be strong for my boys, for my business and friendships to thrive and to understand the meaning of the struggles that have been placed in my life. I only pray that my journey will help others discover where their true weaponry lies as well.

Counting My Blessings

A thankful heart is the best place to start. Today I am grateful for:

A God who loves me unconditionally
My family who has been by my side constantly
A little boy who sings songs about new baseball shoes and reminds me what true joy is all about
Saltine Crackers
Being employed in a job that I enjoy and having a chance to start with a fresh outlook on my business
FRIENDS that have rallied and commiserated and prayed for me.
Feeling my new little boy moving around inside of me.
Having a clean, cozy home to raise my family.
A chance for everyone to get themselves stable and prepared for what is coming this year.
TiVo
A creative hobby that helps me save memories for my family.
My VUE!

God is good all.the.time. Just can't forget that.

A week I never want to repeat

But its over now. I now know exactly what I need to do and focus on to get better and move forward. Not just for my sake - but for the sake of my boys...that's right pural boys. The one good thing that came out of this whole experience is getting to see my new little man active and happy inside of me. THAT is what life is all about not the drama - not the accusations - but that little life - that little glimmer. That's my focus.

The only other good thing to come out of this week is the tremendous support that has flowed so freely from my friends and my amazing family. They have circled around me and supported me, let me cry on their shoulders, driven me to the doctors and called me from far away to check on me. I am truly blessed and I know that God is watching over me and my boys and will keep us safe no matter what.

Late this week but...

'Tis the way when you are busy busy busy...I did pretty well on my goals for last week - I was pretty proud. The house is currently very clean and I feel like I was a really good mom and girlfriend.


It DEFINITELY helped to take time out every day to reflect, pray and focus my life. It's amazing how much a little perspective can do for you - I started off Wednesday spending an hour before I went into work, collecting my thoughts and finding a peaceful place and lo and behold, I spent the rest of the day busier than a one legged man in a butt kicking contest. Good things on the horizon and none too soon either! My business needed that kick in the tail in a BIG way!

I've also come to the shocking realization that in a mere two weeks I will be turning 30!!! It's not that the milestone disturbs me or anything its just one of those things that slips by you and then sneaks up, sheesh.

Meanwhile while life has been marching on - look what made an appearance...a little bump...(no not the one on the backside) thanks to Ashley for taking the photo for me...crazy right? Only 5 weeks from today we find out what is cookin' in there. I still believe that it's Isabella Mary but I'm practicing my reaction just in case there are boy parts in there again, yes I will love it no matter what but I haven't talked to anyone yet who doesn't believe that there is a girl in our future. April 30th we shall find out - and believe me - you all will be the first to know!


I'm so glad its Friday. Tonight we take off for Bettendorf for the weekend with my mom and dad and Jackson. I get to see some friends that I haven't seen in a long time and Jackson gets to spend all weekend getting pruney in the pool. It'll be nice to get away a little bit - read my book, eat some good food and spend time with good friends. Oh yes - there will be photos!!!


Until next week!